Patrick Winn's Notebook:

Attention Sweden: Be Wary of Committing to the "Wai"

I was amused to read that a Swedish politician is suggesting that all Swedes -- or at least all of Swedish parliament -- should retire the handshake in favor of the traditional Thai greeting.

For the uninitiated, that would be the "wai," a slight, graceful bow performed with clasped hands. The idea is that -- because the wai involves no physical contact -- it's more desirable in the era of swine flu.

Looks easy, right? See, even this hamburger-loving clown can do it. But take it from me, Sweden. You'll want to think long and hard before you adopt the wai and its myriad rules.

You wai to say hello. You wai to show respect. You wai to show you're sorry. You wai when someone hands you a gift, especially cash.

You wai on all these occasions ... except when you don't. In fact, remembering when NOT to wai is the hard part, because a misplaced wai can result in severe social awkwardness.

You don't wai someone younger than you, unless they wai you first. You don't wai your waitress, your taxi driver or anyone in the service industry.  And, when greeting royalty or even your parents on a special occasion (say college graduation or Thai mother's day), you don't wai because it doesn't convey enough respect. You should be prostrating yourself on the floor instead.

I cringe at memories of my first week in Thailand, when I would wai everyone who wai'd me first: the waiter who settled my restaurant bill and the phalanx of girls who greeting diners at posh restaurants.

To offer an analogy, just imagine you're going through the Taco Bell drive-thru and, after the cashier says, "Thanks for choosing Taco Bell," you reach out and offer a hearty handshake. (OK, maybe it's not quite that weird. But it's close.)

None of this is difficult for Thais, who through upbringing are endowed with an internal wai flow chart.

Introduce foreigners, however, and wai-ing often goes wrong.

About a month ago, a grey-haired British man wandered into my local coffee shop, where I'm a regular customer, and ordered a cup to go. When he received his change, he randomly wai'd the coffee clerk, a 23-year-old girl.

She let out a slight shriek and literally averted her eyes. Not only did he wai a clerk, he also wai'd someone much, much younger than him. According to superstition, this can actually cause the younger person to die sooner.

"Big brother!" she said to me in Thai. "Please tell him not to do that!"

The British man was stunned. "Um," I told him, "she says you shouldn't do that. You're actually not supposed to bow for people younger than you. Or cashiers."

"Ah, I see," he replied. "Then please tell her that, where I'm from, we always show respect for women. No matter what."

Nevermind, of course, that he had just done the exact opposite.

Swedish politician guy, are you still with me? The wai, when performed correctly, is quite lovely. But I'm not sure Sweden is really ready to go all the way with the wai.

Disaffected Thai protesters: Hot or not?

As Thailand's red-vs.-yellow political factions have quarreled over the kingdom's future, I've heard arguments based on economics, justice, national stability and a lot else.

But every now and then, on the web at least, their argument deteriorates to this: Which band of street protesters has the best-looking ladies?

I spotted the first online claim to having attractive protesters late last year. It was this YouTube video — a slideshow of females protesting with the pro-establishment People's Alliance for Democracy. They're better known as the "yellow shirts" and you might remember their dramatic storming of Bangkok's airports in November.

(If you're curious about the soundtrack, it's a warbling quasi-salsa freejam recorded live at the prime minister's compound, which the yellow shirts had also seized at the time.)

Now a claim to hotness from the anti-government "red shirts," more long-windedly known as the United Front of Democracy Against Dictatorship.

The pro-red website CBN Press maintains a gallery of female protesters under a heading that translates to "Red Shirts also have beauties." (Doesn't the "also" sound a little defensive?) Just click the link and scroll down the left-hand side to find your red-shirt beauty. And when you're ready for a new one, just refresh the page and the next anti-establishment glamour shot will appear.

Oh, and there's this performance, filmed at a massive rally, of a red shirt leader struggling through the original Thai country ballad, "I Love Red Shirt Girls." (It looks to have driven the red shirt ladies mad.)

However, there will be no need to end this debate with a raucous beauty pageant. Coca-Cola has a simpler cure for Thailand's political indigestion.

You guessed it. It involves drinking lots and lots of Coke.

This ad, titled "More Fun If We Join Together," depicts Thai strangers of all stripes spontaneously grouping up for a Coke and a smile.

Featured prominently is a scene where a guy in a red shirt and his yellow-clad counterpart eye each other suspiciously — but then shrug off their differences over a delicious, fizzy Coke. The clip was even filmed at Bangkok's Victory Monument, the scene of low-grade riots and an Army crackdown just months ago.

Isn't that just ... beautiful?

The sunny side of Suu Kyi's sentence

Several hours ago, Aung San Suu Kyi, the face of Burma's beleaguered democracy movement, was sentenced to 18 more months of house arrest in a military trial.

U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will tell you that's bad. Practically every Western head of state, actually, will tell you that's bad. So will those who've been imprisoned or exiled for pursuing democracy in Burma, which remains tightly controlled by an isolated military regime.

Now, with that out of the way, consider that it could have been much worse.

Months back, Suu Kyi was dragged away for giving shelter to an oddball American in makeshift flippers. (His swimming to her lakeshore home violates her house arrest.) Even then, Burma watchers were already calling the game.

Next year, Burma's military junta plans to finally succumb to elections. Unleashing Suu Kyi to lead an anti-junta, pro-democracy opposition would be unthinkable. So the guy in flippers was a convenient pretext to prolong her detainment.

For most, the question was never, "Will they set her free?"

It was, "How long will they put her away for?"

Suu Kyi's 18 months of extended house arrest will keep her from participating in next year's elections. It was actually cut down from an original sentence of three years in prison.

But they're not sentencing her to hard labor. And they're not sending her where most pro-democracy activists end up — the central Insein Prison, described as an " HIV factory" by one former prisoner I met in Bangkok.

Maybe all the censure over Suu Kyi's detainment, from the West but also Burma allies Thailand and even China — helped tame her original sentence. We'll probably never know.

U.S. Senator Jim Webb has not yet cancelled his upcoming trip to Burma — the first from a U.S. politician in more than 10 years.

More fascinating still will be State Department crisis handlers' regard for John Yettaw, the flipper-wearing Ozarks resident who swam to Suu Kyi's house on some muddled religious mission. (He just wanted to pray with her, he said.)

Do you go out on a limb for the guy who blew it for one of the Western world's most adored democracy figureheads? Or do you let him ride out his sentencing of seven years of hard labor?

Not sure. But I don't think Bill Clinton will be making any surprise rescue missions on this guy's behalf.

P.S. Recommended reading: This Asia Times interview with a Burmese historian, who makes a case for engaging with the military junta and ditching the easy "Suu Kyi = good, junta = evil" storyline perpetuated by the international media.

Thailand Beckons Cool Kids, Yearning to Breathe Free

You've never seen this guy in your life, right?

Me neither (until I Googled him five minutes ago). That's the difference between us and millions of Asian teenagers.

Meet Nichkul Horvejkul. He's California-raised, speaks English, Thai, and Korean and currently performs with a very popular boy band based in Korea.

He's also the new face of a state-run Thai tourism campaign that specifically targets young travelers.

That's necessary because tourism in Thailand is plodding through a 49-year low, with 22 percent fewer tourists arriving in Thailand compared to last year.

I hear of a lot of sky-is-falling rants about how Thailand is withering as a tourist destination, well-publicized stories of scammed foreigners are scaring tourists away, political unrest is stigmatizing the country, etc.

My contention? Thailand is as paradisical as ever and most of the tourist slump is tied to the damaged global economy. As it heals, so will tourism in Thailand. And Thai tourism gurus, I think, are wise to showcase Thailand's allure to 20/30-somethings in an effort to reverse the current tourism doldrums.

Whether you're a tourist from Shanghai, Seattle or Seoul, Thailand remains an affordable place to drink, sunbathe and generally go nuts. You get Southeast Asian prices with a certain pizaazz that you can't find anywhere else in the region. 

Sterile Singapore? Conservative Malaysia and Indonesia? I'm guessing most 80's babies would much rather stumble into Bangkok's colorful hipster spots. Thailand is lovably kooky and irrepressably fun. It's messy, chaotic... and awesome.That may not impress the tour package crowds, but it means a lot to young travelers -- whether they're from California or Korea.

Attracting young spenders isn't the solution to Thailand's tourism problem -- but it's a decent puzzle piece.

Who better to lead the charge than a smooth, English/Korean-speaking, hair-gelled cool kid like Nichkul?

P.S. Thanks to Absolutely Bangkok for the heads up on this one.

The Thai exile's hologram letdown (and passive-aggressive Tweets)

Call me old-fashioned, but when an exiled former prime minister/international convict promises to render himself as a life-sized hologram, I believe he should deliver. That's just the way I was raised.

Let me back up a bit. Though exiled in a 2006 coup, Thailand's ex-premier Thaksin Shinawatra continues to sway a major swath of the Thai populace through his in-country proxies, televised phone-ins and mass rallies held on his behalf.

Sunday, his faithful gathered for Thaksin's 60th birthday celebration: a day of well-wishing, good luck rituals and — so his camp announced — a "big surprise."

You see, they actually promised to beam a live-sized hologram of the billionaire fugitive from his secret international hideout. (You know, like the glowing, translucent 3-D images R2D2 could shoot out of his head.) What more could the voters want? Are you not entertained?

Thaksin, buddy, you really let us down. There was no hologram. His camp just played a video of Thaksin singing an original balled called "I will come back."

A sampling of the (translated) lyrics:

"I have become a wanderer / Sleeping in different places / Like a criminal in hiding / Oh, oriole / They still have a land in which to live / So different than I"

What a letdown. At least Thaksin was able to master another cutting-edge technological innovation yesterday: Twitter.

He and the current premier, Abhisit Vejjajiva, who he sort of tried to lead an uprising against a few months ago, engaged in some very passive aggressive Tweeting yesterday.

The current premier wishes Thaksin a happy birthday, followed with a gentle Buddhist dis: "If your eyes could see Dhamma (Buddha's teachings) you will be much happier."

Thaksin shot back by saying, basically, thanks for the birthday wishes ... and if I can help you solve the country's problems, let me know.

Overall, I have to say, they kept it rather polite, addressing each other with a Thai pronoun conferring great respect.

This is the prominent photo on Thaksin's Twitter page by the way — a shot of him wearing some Johnny Cash-meets-L.L. Bean garb wistfully staring out a train (plane?) window with a half-eaten pretzel. If anyone can help identify what drink he's holding in his right hand, please comment below.

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