It's not just cricket

Worldview: A long and incomprehensible game is merely an excuse for Australians and Brits to demonstrate their mutual disdain.

Alan MascarenhasAugust 22, 2009 08:41Updated May 30, 2010 12:05

England's Andrew Strauss avoids a bouncer from Australia's Peter Siddle (not in picture) as Australia's captains Ricky Ponting (L) and Marcus North (R) watch from behind during the fifth Ashes cricket Test match at the Oval in London, Aug. 20, 2009. (Philip Brown/Reuters)

SYDNEY, Australia — Great national rivalries abound in the modern era, based on everything from religion and ideology to politics and economy: the U.S. vs. Russia, India vs. Pakistan, South vs. North Korea.

Yet few international rivalries can match the psychological intensity and petty one-upmanship that exists between Australia and England — and that's only over sports. Or is it?

This weekend, cricket fans in this city of four million — and that's not counting the swarms of transitory English backpackers on working visas — will be staying up late in bars, clubs or on a best mate’s couch to watch the last of five Test matches in the “the Ashes” series, the Holy Grail of the game of cricket. The match is being televised live from the Oval in London (although matches are often played at a ground called "Lord's" — getting some idea of the stakes now?) To many a bemused foreign observer, cricket is a rather befuddling activity that follows an incomprehensible set of rules and can last far too long. Test matches last up to five days, and even then the result is often a draw. Then there are the regular mid-game pauses where players walk off the field for “drinks” and “tea.” In actual fact, cricket's more than a bit like baseball — they both use bats and balls (although cricket also uses "bails" and "wickets"), both count scores in runs and both use "umpires" to adjudicate — but try telling that to the average American sports nut.

Back to the Ashes: This weekend, England must defeat Australia in the final game of this best-of-five series to wrest back the Ashes trophy (so named because it is reputed to contain the "bails" of the "wickets" burnt after the first Ashes Test).

When England got thrashed in the previous game, it was a cue for the entire nation to engage in predictable hand-wringing, self-pity and self-doubt.

“Are Australians perhaps kept tougher by their fearful climate, forest fires, crocodiles and poisonous spiders?” wondered Michael Portillo, a high-profile former Conservative Party lawmaker, writing in The Sunday Times.

The English, like many other nationalities, tend to regard Australians with fascination — and even surreptitious admiration. The stereotype lingers that Aussies are a nation of Steve Irwins — hardy, rugged folk who are plain-spoken to the point of being uncouth. This image is perpetuated in iconic films such as "Crocodile Dundee" and the sun-baked, beach-fringed island continent featured in tourism advertisements.

While Australia’s population is in fact highly urbanized and lives mostly along the coasts, its sports heroes sustain the stereotype with their take-no-prisoners approach. Australian cricketers are renowned as world champion “sledgers” — slang for on-field trash-talk. A few weeks ago, English newspapers published a leaked dossier by ex-Australian player Justin Langer which contained pen portraits of the English players and claimed they were mentally weak.

“As soon as it gets a bit hard you just have to watch their body language and see how fat and lazy they get,” Langer wrote. “Most of them make all sorts of excuses and start looking around to point the finger at everyone else. It is a classic English trait from my experience.”