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'Despicable human scum Jang, who was worse than a dog.' And other names he was called.
"Despicable human scum Jang, who was worse than a dog, perpetrated thrice-cursed acts of treachery in betrayal..."
It sounds like the start to a Shakespearean sonnet. But it isn't. It's the official announcement of Jang's execution in North Korea's state media.
The execution of Kim Jong Un's uncle and erstwhile adviser, Jang Song Thaek, is no joke.
But some of the names the man has been called are downright flowery.
In the wake of one of the most significant shakeups in the country's history, here are the Top 5 insults levied at Jang:
News of Jang Song Taek's execution is on TV at Yongsan electronic market in Seoul, Dec. 13, 2013. (Woohae Cho/AFP/Getty Images)
Jang's political ambitions were no secret. As soon as Kim Jong Il died in 2011, the focus turned to his brother-in-law, Jang, who appeared to have acted as the Dear Leader's right hand man since he became seriously ill.
Analysts foresaw Jang acting as regent while the youthful Kim Jong Un consolidated his rule. Jang had no son of his own.
Jang's dismissal is on TV at a railway station in Seoul, Dec. 3, 2013. (Jung Yeon-je/AFP/Getty Images)
Jang was always deeply involved in trade and financial transactions, and had shown himself over the decades to be consistently corrupt.
Kim Jong Il reportedly punished him at one point by sending him away for “correction by labor” when he was caught in corrupt schemes. Old habits die hard.
South Korean nws shows Jang Song Taek in court before his execution, Dec. 13, 2013. (Woohae Cho/AFP/Getty Images)
His corruption didn't stop at finances, however. The man has been charged as a womanizer and substance abuser, used to being wined and dined.
Prior to the announcement of his execution, North Korean media released a statement painting the man a kind of hermit kingdom Rob Ford: "Ideologically sick and extremely idle and easy-going, he used drugs and squandered foreign currency at casinos."
Jang (center) with former North Korean leader, Kim Jong Il (left) at Mt. Ryongak Recreation Ground in Pyongyang. (KCNA/AFP/Getty Images)
Jang was close to the Chinese — a charge that apparently translates to he “dreamed a different dream in the same bed.”
A few years ago there was a report saying that Jang wanted to take over the North Korean economy and engage in Chinese-style reforms.
Jang is on TV in Seoul on Dec. 3, 2013. (Jung Yeon-je/AFP/Getty Images)
There are unconfirmed reports that Jang did daily affirmations in the bathroom mirror after flossing but before brushing his teeth. These affirmations appear to have instilled in the man a sense of well-being and confidence that made Kim Jong Un really mad and also want to go out right away and buy a whole new outfit.