A scene from Dubya’s Thanksgiving

Scene: Prairie Chapel Ranch, Crawford, Texas. Arrayed around a crowded dining room table are members of the extended Bush family, including former President George W. Bush, his wife, the former First Lady Laura Bush, his brother, the former Florida Governor Jeb Bush, and Jeb's wife Columba, and assorted members of the younger generation of the family.

George W. Bush is seated at one end of the table, and his father, the former President George H.W. Bush, is at the other with the former First Lady Barbara Bush, seated to his right. The table groans with the bounty of the holiday — a smoked ham, sliced bread, cranberry dressing, gravy boats, various vegetable dishes including the family's traditional green beans with anchovy butter. Wine glasses are full, though George W. is drinking Diet Coke. The sound of tinkering in the kitchen is heard faintly in the distance, along with the tinny sound of a televised football game.

A servant enters with a platter containing sliced turkey, and the diners applaud as it is set in the middle of the table.

Laura (standing): Well, I would like to welcome everyone home to Crawford again, and in keeping with our family tradition, I’m going to ask the man of the family to say grace.

George H.W. Bush (standing with some difficulty): “Well, thank you Laura. I’d be happy to …”

Dubya (jumping to his feet): Now Papi, sit yerself down there. You may be my daddy, but there’s only one grace sayer in these parts, and I’m the grace sayer.

Barbara Bush (tugging at her husband’s jacket): Papi, don’t be a show off. You know how sensitive Dubya is.

George H.W. (grumbling): Let him … his house … no interest in usurping ... martini glass.

Dubya: Now, I’ll get on with it. Dearest Lord, we humbly bequeath you to bless my assemblaged loved ones, these folks who are family and your servants of Jesus and all his other heavenly officials.

Jeb (nudging his wife): Jeez, here we go again …

Dubya shoots a look at his brother, then continues.

Dubya: Back to you now, God. I was sayin’, that it is a fine thing to give thanksgiving to you for so many things that are good, good things which good people have worked good and hard to make good. And so we’re here to say, ah, thanks, for so many things. And I have written a list of these things, a blessed list, I called it, and let me just see where it’s got to … (digging into his pockets). Yep, here ‘tis.

Now, firstmost, I want to thank you for saving the financial capital system and the banks and such, which you know I did my utmost for. It was a real coup in my cap, I think, and I thank you for giving me the chance to fix that whole financial thing before leaving office, because God knows … (he pauses) well, I mean, you know, I suppose, what would have happened if that had happened during Barack Hussein’s watch. The guy destroyed the whole economicalized monetary landscape. And that gets me to another point …

Thank you, oh charitified Lord, for the gift of a liberal guy with an Islamic name winning the presidency after me, which I think has made it clear just how much it was better with me running things.

Number four — that Dick Cheney — hmm. That’s all it says here. Lemme think. I guess I’ll come back to that.

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