Isn't asking someone to marry you risky enough? Apparently not for Michigan native Nathan Bluestein, whose ambitious marriage proposal plans left him and his hoped-for fiancee stranded in Michigan's Wild Fowl Bay on Saturday.
That, of course, was not what Bluestein had in mind -- despite, as he told the Detroit Free Press, spending months planning the event.
Everything started off smoothly, with he and unsuspecting girlfriend May Gorial, 32, clambering aboard a canoe for a seemingly innocuous weekend boat trip, according to the Associated Press.
As they paddled, (presumably) nervous Nathan clutched his lunch bag tightly (also presumably, his oar).
"I made sure that she never could touch the lunch bag," he foreshadowed to the Detroit Free Press. "I had it around my arm the whole time."
He was clearly not pulling his weight on the whole paddling situation, but whatever, the guy was distracted. He didn't even notice the ominously strengthening winds; he was too busy looking for something to occupy Gorial's attention so he could put the rest of his plan into action.
Luckily for him, a ship soon loomed into view, and Bluestein seized his chance. With Gorial "distracted by a loud boat passing in the choppy waters," as the Detroit Free Press described it, he surreptitiously pulled a bottle out of his lunch bag and tossed it into the waves. Oh, what's that? he probably said, affecting surprise. I thought this kind of thing only happened in the olden days!
The paper inside the bottle also appeared olden, thanks to careful tea-staining and edge-burning efforts by Bluestein. It bore the language of lovers; a French poem. Gorial, it should be noted, is a French teacher at a local highschool, according to AP. The poem's translation, which needless to say came readily, showed off her mad language skills -- sexy! Oh snap. Extra brownie points for Bluestein.
"You're the love of my life," Gorial told the Detroit Free Press the message said. "I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without you. That being said ... "
Cue Bluestein, who whips out the ring and pops the question. Glorial accepts, her hair probably blowing all over face due to rapidly rising winds.
That's also probably when they first noticed the three-to-five-feet high waves, not to mention how far they were from their destination, which the Detroit Free Press said was a good five miles. Time to call home. Time to call 911.
Thanks to efforts by local sheriff's deputies Sid Schock and Matthew Clark, this story has a happy ending, complete with a full moon and fireworks cinematically shooting off as they set foot on the rescue boat, said the Detroit Free Press (the excited paper even produced a map graphic showing "couple takes off in canoe" and "couple rescued" points).
The rescued couple were quick to express their gratitude. "If it wasn't for them, we wouldn't have seen the wedding day," Glorial said -- in return, AP observed, the two officers "can expect wedding invitations in their future."