1) Britain's The Daily Mirror: "And the gold medal for partying goes to..."
Belgium cyclist Gijs Van Hoecke "certainly takes gold for his partying efforts!" cracked the British daily. Oh ho ho. Haven't heard that one before. The 20-year-old Belgian apparently had to be carried into a waiting cab after a night of post-competition celebrating, according to reports (and a rather unfortunate photo). Even though the pic shows Van Hoecke looking a "little worse for wear," the paper still decided it was "a medal-winning performance." Barf.
2) Britain's The Daily Mail: "OUCH! South Korean weightlifter takes gold for the worst Olympics injury as his elbow snaps back lifting 357lbs"
Poor South Korean weightlifter Jaehyouk Sa was subjected to sarcasm-laced sympathy from the British press after experiencing an excruciating injury that left him screaming and writhing in pain on the stadium floor. Not funny, guys!
3) Britain's The Daily Mirror: "Most Excited To Win a Medal Goes To..."
OK, this one is funny, but in a highly inappropriate way. Yes indeed, the Mirror was quick to pay homage to US rower Henrik Rummel, who "could barely contain himself at winning a bronze," according to this photo (Rummel second from left), the paper pointed out, adding suggestively: "He really is the full package." Not one to leave readers wondering, the British tabloid proceeded to lay down the cards: "If you're not closely examining this picture right now," it said, "there's something wrong with you." Ugh! So raunchy!
3) Germany's Bild.de: Issued a "Gold Alarm" over the lack of medals won by the country: seriously?
Seriously, said the BBC. The nation's most popular daily warned Tuesday that it was going to sound a "Gold Alarm" over Germany's dearth of medals. Can't imagine that's going to scare the athletes into action.
4) Britain's The Guardian: China's Qin Kai has gold "sewn up" for best Predator impression
Why, exactly, do we care about the best Predator impression of the London Games? #justsaying
5) Britain's The Telegraph: No, but, "London’s buildings are real Olympic stars"
Really, so lame. No doubt the British capital's buildings are awe-inspiring — but unnecessary Olympic verbiage is not.
6) US' Politico: "No gold medal for Mitt Romney from British press"
Uh, oh. Romney's got to be real disappointed, not winning that. But what could he expect after basically giving the "no gold medal" line to London's Olympic organizers over the North Korean flag flap and other organizational blunders? It's "no gold medal" for anyone, including the press — the overused Olympic one-liner ought to be banned from coverage unless it's referring to an actual game event.
7) Canada's Times Colonist via Reuters: "No medals for Olympic staff outfits"
It's not clear who's responsible for the wrenchingly cliche headline (see! again!), but British sporting dress apparently failed to impress. The official purple-red ensemble being worn by tens of thousands of Olympic staffers and volunteers "[l]ook as though they were made for a Sacha Baron Cohen parody," British fashion eye Stephen Bayley told Reuters. "Atrocious, artless, cynical." Sheesh, all right already. Clearly no winners there.
8) The world: "Worst Olympic Dive"
It does seem to be a foregone conclusion — watch Germany's poor Stephen Feck take the plunge here: