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Ukrainian woman becomes real-life Barbie

At 21, Valeria Lukyanova has finally managed to perfect her Barbie doll look. So much so that some doubt if she even exists.
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Nobody seems to know if Valeria Lukyanova, 21, has managed to become a human Barbie doll through heavy make-up, plastic surgery, Photoshop or somebody's rich imaginary life. (amatue21.com/Courtesy)

Tiny waist. Check.

Disproportionately large chest. Check.

Long, blond, straight hair. Check.

Long, weirdly spaced eye-lashes. Check.

Meet Valeria Lukyanova, a 21-year-old Ukrainian model who has made it her life goal to become a live Barbie doll, the plastic icon made famous by US toy maker Mattel.

The logic of wanting to look like a Barbie doll in the first place aside, one must admit she has achieved her goal, including a vacant, doe-in-the-headlight staredown.

Lukyanova has become an internet sensation, although some sources claim she might be a Photoshop-perfected hoax.

After all, no woman can be this perfect.

Not to say there haven’t been other cases of women who attempted to look like the famous — if utterly disproportionate — female doll.

Take Sarah Burge, who was dubbed the "real-life Barbie" several years ago, after having plastic surgery reportedly costing about $800,000.

But perhaps no other Barbie-wannabe has come this close to looking like an actual, human-sized, Barbie-looking blow up doll.

For more disturbing pictures, visit her site.

Or, even better, watch this spoof video:

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Like new. (ArtificialHymens.com/Courtesy)

The artificial hymen is a plastic bag filled with... yes, fake blood.

And, it is on sale at artificialhymens.com for $27.95:

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The case for an ugly husband

According to a new study, beautiful women are better off marrying a husband a notch (or two or three) below them.
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Model Paulina Porizkova and singer Ric Ocasek. Happily married for 22 years. Clearly, it's been working for them. (Peter Kramer/AFP/Getty Images)

Ladies, maybe you can hang onto Mr. Unsightly for a while longer.

Your girlfriends can laugh all they want. Little do they know his looks — or the lack thereof — are his greatest asset.

A new study, published in the February issue of the Journal of Family Psychology by researchers of the University of Tennessee, lead by James McNulty, reveals that looks do in fact matter.

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I still can't get over the giant panda mating fiasco in Edinburgh.

So, why are the birth rates for giant pandas so low? Their females are only fertile for 24- 36 hours each year.

It's a miracle some baby pandas are born at all.

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Infidelity in France: it's okay to stray

The French have the world's highest level of tolerance towards infidelity. Unless, of course, it’s women who are cheating.
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Liberté, égalité, "fidélité." (SERGEI SUPINSKY/AFP/Getty Images)

The French have a reputation for tolerance towards extramarital relationships, of course.

According to Gleeden.com, the premier “extramarital dating site” — yes, they have those sites now, welcome to the 21st century! — 53 percent of those questioned in France said it was possible to cheat on your partner while still loving them.

It was the highest rate for all countries surveyed by Gleeden.

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Cinq à sept is a slang French term for the 5 to 7pm slot in the day, when the French scuttle off to their lovers for a couple of hours together before going to their "real spouse."

Happy hour just got a whole new meaning.

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No more panda porn in Scotland

Millions of panda sex voyeurs around the world mourn the failed mating attempt of two giant pandas at the Edinburgh Zoo
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"Hello there. You look so familiar..." Yang Guang, the giant male panda in the Edinburgh Zoo makes a move. (STR/AFP/Getty Images)

It wasn’t quite the level of Humphrey Bogart and Ingrid Bergman in Casablanca, but there was definitely chemistry between the two giant pandas in the Edinburgh Zoo this week.

For those of you following their lives on pandacam, I’m sure you'll agree: Sunshine and Sweetie were meant for each other.

Talk about pressure, though.

As Global Post reported before, female pandas only get sexually active once a year. And then only for a 36-hour period.

That doesn’t allow much room for bad pick up lines or other mating mistakes on the part of the male.

In short, if you are a male panda, you better have some serious game ready.

And, honestly, Yang Guang kind of did.

Sparks were flying, cuddles were had, bamboo sticks were munched.

For a while there, it was like watching panda porn. Some British journalists even wrote their own panda porn scripts. Except — very much unlike real porn — what kept everyone engaged in the panda affair was the answer to the question: “Will they, or won’t they?”

It's with great sorrow that I must report the following: after two days of strenuous attempts by the giant male panda Yang Guang (Sunshine) to get Tian Tian (Sweetie) in the sack, he ended up not closing the deal.

Though, on the bright side, his testicles apparently enlarged by a third. 

The Edinburgh Zoo announced on its website Thursday: “It was close, but no cigar.”

Here's Iain Valentine, Director or Research & Conservation with the play by play: 

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Hot and cheap. What else does one need from an airline?

Air Asia: Careful, they’re hot. And the flight attendants aren't bad, either.
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All that for only $99. (Crikey/Courtesy)

I was browsing the internet for “cheap flights in Asia” today and stumbled upon Air Asia, otherwise known as “the cheapest airline in the world.

And, boy, are they cheap.

You can fly from Kuala Lumpur to Jakarta for less than $100.

But, obviously, that’s not the chief selling point, as you can see from the ad.

What they are really proud of is, well, how extremely hot their meals are.

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Area pervert banned from public toilets for 10 years (and other news from Cumbria)

Sometimes, reading crime news tells you more about the state of manhood and womanhood around the world than just about anything else.
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Any perverts in here? (Matt Cardy/AFP/Getty Images)

Sometimes, reading crime stories tells you more about the state of manhood and womanhood around the world than just about anything else.

Take the latest from News and Star, Cumbria’s newspapers of choice. (Cumbria — in case you had no idea — is a non-metropolitan county in northwest England.)

Here is what’s currently going on in Cumbria, at least on the crime beat:

A pervert who tried to take indecent pictures of men and boys in public toilets has been banned from public toilets for ten years. Carlisle Crown Court heard that Gary Flanagan, 26, who suffered a serious brain injury as a child, had pursued his unhealthy sexual interest for years and had downloaded child pornography on his home computer.

Or how about the chandelier guy?

A would-be soldier has been banned from every pub in the country for assaulting a man who tried to stop him doing pull-ups on a chandelier at the Merewood Country House Hotel. He was given a 40-week prison sentence, suspended for a year, and banned from all pubs in the country for the next 12 months.

(By the sounds of things in Cumbria, this punishment might be even worse than being banned from public toilets.)

And check this one out:

A Cumbrian man has been made to pay GBP 3,000 compensation to his brother-in-law after biting his ear in a fight. “There really can be no justification whatsoever for biting a man on the ear,” Judge Peter Hughes said.
In addition to paying the compensation, the man was given a 12-month prison sentence, suspended for two years, ordered to attend a training programme to confront alcohol abuse and do 120 hours unpaid community work. He was not, however, banned from countywide ear exposure, in case you were wondering.
 

This intro to an opinion piece is also telling:

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In Dubai, ignorance is no excuse

Do not wrap anything in newspaper if it has the Prophet’s name in it (and other United Arab Emirates public decency laws tourists must know to stay out of trouble).
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In Dubai on the beach, more is more. (STR/AFP/Getty Images)

If you're going to Dubai and have heard it described as “Las Vegas of the Gulf,” it‘s best you ask for a second opinion.

For starters, you won’t get into trouble for “sharing private space with a person of the opposite sex” in Vegas.

Unless, of course, you are sharing it with someone else’s person of the opposite sex.

At that point, may the Lord have mercy on you in either town.

The United Arab Emirates’ Ministry of Interior recently published research that claimed 72 percent of expats living in the UAE lack knowledge of local customs, moral boundaries and traditions, Emirates magazine reports.

According to Emirates magazine, this kind of complacency results in “many expats enduring court trials, facing social embarrassment and suffering a long list of inconveniences – simply due to not knowing the rules.”

What are the rules, you ask?

Here is a sampling of the magazine's helpful summary:

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