Cancel your Copocabana beach vacation now. Apparently, not everyone in Brazil looks like Gisele Bundchen.

At least that’s what Brazilian swim suit manufacturers have discovered.

That’s why their new collections are increasingly targeted not at the way Victoria’s Secret catalogs present the “girls from Ipanema”, but to real Brazilian women. Namely those with a bit more “junk in the trunk” than your average supermodel, the AP reports.

This, needless to say, presents a bit of a challenge. 

Let’s start by saying there is a good reason why Brazilian bikini wax is necessary when wearing Brazilian bikini. That’s because swimsuits in Brazil are famous for their utter lack of coverage. And they look different on a size-16 woman than they do on a size-2 woman Victoria’s Secret model.

Good news for gender-balanced family planning advocates worldwide.

Zapping sperm with sound waves has been successfully tested on rats and it’s apparently only a matter of time before it is unleashed on human males, Live Science reports.

Noninvasive ultrasound treatment reduced sperm reserves in rats far below levels normally seen in fertile men, the study researcher James Tsuruta, of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill released in a statement. Further studies are needed to determine how long the contraceptive effect lasts, if it is safe to use multiple times and what specific settings work best on humans.

Sperm develops in the testes and goes through multiple intermediate stages. The male birth control method should work on the basis of destroying the earliest stages of sperm development, so the treatment would last a few months.

It’s worked well with rats, but rats are much more fertile than humans, as reported in another Live Science article. Not to mention they don’t have much of a choice here. In the rats, the sperm concentration attained — 3,000 motile sperm or fewer per milliliter — would still allow them to reproduce. In humans that low of a sperm count would be considered infertile. In humans, a low sperm count is defined as anything under 15 million sperm per milliliter. Other permanent sterilization procedures, such as a vasectomy, decrease sperm concentration to 3 million sperm per milliliter.

In other words, they key is to zap, but not to over-zap.

Across Eastern Europe, it’s hardly shocking to see ads with female nude torsos promoting anything from beer to motor oil.

Still, when I was driving through Slovakia recently this billboard struck me.

It didn’t show breasts, so I knew it wouldn’t be an ad for beer. (Every marketer knows beer and breasts go together almost as well as — say — stay-at-home moms and toilet bowl cleaning detergent).

If not an ad for beer, what could it possibly be selling?

I slowed down enough to be able to read it, which is probably what marketers hope one would do, safe-driving concerns aside.

And who knew?

It turns out this was an ad for a hardware store specializing in landscaping tools.

The slogan translates to: “Have you been neglecting your front yard lately?” Incidentally, the woman displayed on the billboard has a perfectly groomed pubic hair area. Get it? Get it?

Local drivers generally didn’t seem to find anything surprising about having a bare naked lady advertise landscaping products.

What surprised me, however, was the cultural and economic underpinnings of a global trend: we have apparently reached an era when even owners of mom-and-pop hardware stores — much like porn producers — prefer their ladies fully shaved. (Trust me, you would be surprised, too, if you ever visited a hardware store in rural Slovakia and met the often hirsute staff.)

Upon further research, it turns out that this billboard did manage to enrage many in Slovakia.

Not enough to force the hardware store to remove the billboards, mind you, but enough to create a discussion in Slovakia along gender lines: Why all the pressure for women to “landscape their front yards,” yet little pressure for “manscaping?" (And, once again, if you have ever been to a hardware store in rural Slovakia, you can only imagine how unlikely “manscaping“ would be.)

But, perhaps, it is only a matter of time when full-body hair removal becomes the norm for Slovak men, as it is becoming for Americans.

It has been a few months since The Obedient Wives Club last hit the news.

It was — to be precise — in October, when the organization published an explicit guide to “Islamic sex.”

The book upset so many people the Home Ministry of Malaysia banned it.

But the Club ladies aren’t giving up on spreading their gospel about the proper way to go about marriage.

This time, the Club ladies have launched a campaign titled “The Prophet, Islam’s Sacred Sex Figure,” to commemorate Prophet Muhammad’s birthday on Feb. 5, The Malaysian Insider reports.

Sadly — as great as I think The Obedient Wives Club affiliation would look on my resume — I doubt they would ever grant me membership. My obedience skills are a bit rusty these days. I am, however, fascinated by the organization and their members’ objective: to be the best obedient wife one could aspire to be.

This is done, from what I have gathered, through two things: a) being subservient at all times and b) being sexually available, also at all times.

In their words: a proper wife must behave “like a first-class whore," according to the Malaysian Insider.

Who knew Islamic sex would be so racy?

The campaign, which is scheduled to run for nearly two weeks, urges members to follow The Prophet’s example and avoid sexual sins. 

Never in my life did I think I would be putting the words “Prophet Muhammad’s sex life” into Google, but there’s a first time for everything. And, truth to be told, it’s a highly fascinating reading material.