In the "ouch" department ...

Taiwan's most ... attention-grabbing news of the week was the tale of a 50-year-old man, surnamed Lin, who only wanted some private time on the toilet.

Instead, he got bitten in the crotch by a five-and-half foot snake. Specifically, per the Taipei Times, by a Taiwan beauty ratsnake (orthriophis taeniura friesi) that had coiled up inside the toilet bowl. Luckily, such snakes are non-poisonous.

The quick-thinking Lin tried to flush the serpent, "to prevent it from hurting anyone else." But it wouldn't go down the drain.

Not surprisingly, Lin's a bit commode-shy now. "Lin said he now has a phobia of toilets following the incident and will only use a newly purchased plastic toilet bowl," the Taipei Times reported.

Despite his nightmarish encounter, Mr. Lin took a philosophical attitude, hinting that he had actually saved the snake.

“It was the snake’s signal for help when it bit me," Lin said, according to the Taipei Times. "If it hadn’t, maybe it would have been stuck in the septic tank and either suffocated or starved to death."

"It looked like an accident but it was actually fate."

http://www.globalpost.com/notebook/china-and-its-neighbors/090516/the-ouch-department